Wrestling

Yesterday I was really wrestling with my flesh and mind. I had so much on my mind and began to worry and it began to stir up anger within me. My body began to ache and I started to get a headache. I kept wavering from God's Word and then to my anger again. I was becoming so exhausted that I was too tired to care... too tired to cry... and too tired to even vent. It was definitely a battle but I knew to look to God for help, because I was obviously going to fail if I only relied on myself. Today I felt peace but again those ill feelings kept trying to rise up again. I did my daily reading according to a reading plan and today's Psalm seemed absolutely appropriate for me: "Listen God! Please, pay attention! Can you makes sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries? King-God, I need your help. Every morning you'll hear me at it again. Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend" (Ps5:1-3 MSG). The beginning was exactly was going through my mind. I had so many thoughts trying to consume me and was only getting confused and frustrated with them. I wanted to just give it to God for Him to handle it. And then after I read the chapter in Psalms I was directed to pray and worship the Lord. I started out sincerely apologizing and asking forgiveness for allowing my carnal emotions and thoughts take control of me. Then I began to worship. The Spirit quickly led me to pray that my words and worship would be fragrant, not stinky with my emotions and previous thoughts. Then the Lord directed me to get on the ground face down and lay still before Him. It was an amazing time with God-- much needed time to get myself together again and believe the Lord is in control. I was brought back to remember that I am only human but I have a big God who is much bigger than my problems. He knows we were created from dust, and are vulnerable to temptation, and human emotions. However, all he asks is that we rely on Him to get us through our moments of weakness. My God is beautiful and I stand in awe of His Word.